Guilt is NOT from the LORD

Ruth's birthday is in a week.  And it's all she and I have been talking about for about 3 weeks - the food, the cake, the activities, the friends.  She is SO excited at even the concept of a party for her and the fact that presents will be opened for her.  And because of that, everywhere we go, I hear, "Mummy, I want this for my birthday please!"  Well as wonderful as it has been to talk about it for her, unfortunately, that is where it has ended for me.  Between sicknesses and emergencies and just the daily life with 3 in elementary school and one almost 6 year old attached to my hip, my follow through has not been equal to my intentions.  Well... knowing that whatever we do for her birthday, it's going to have to be this Saturday (yes, like 5 days away) I realize that I better get a move on.  So I multi-tasked.  While grocery shopping, we swung by the cards and party supplies and I let Ruth pick out a pack of fill-in birthday invitations.  I filled them in and to save a stamp, I hand delivered them yesterday. 

Then the guilt sets in.  Not righteous conviction, but completely from the enemy guilt.  Guilt that I know has no truth or validity to it, none whatsoever.  Yet, it starts with such a little whisper that I give it a moments notice as it accuses me of not throwing her a bigger party.  Then the whisper shames me because I bought her fill in, from the grocery store, invitations, when I've always done handmade or spent an unreasonable amount at my favorite stationary shop for birthday invitations.  The whisper tells me lies, lots of lies, that I don't want to write down here because I don't even want to acknowledge them.  I only want to speak truth over my heart and my children - ALL of them.

As I'm allowing these lies to pass through my mind and trying hard not to let them settle in my heart, my precious little Ruthie walks up to me and hands me 3 pages that have been folded, taped and stapled together and tells me it's a present for me.  It is a letter she "wrote" for me.  As she translates her figures and shapes into words for me, this is what I hear...
 "Mummy, thank you for bringing me to my birthday.  Thank you for letting me eat a chocolate cake.  Mummy, thank you for my Princess skirt because I really am a Princess.  Thank you that you are bringing my best friend Gracie to my home.  I love her.  And you.  And Daddy at work.  And Jaxon and Isaiah and Chloe at school.  But thank you for my birthday.  The End."  (Her party hasn't even happened yet and she is thanking me for it!!)

I was in the middle of washing dishes and had to turn off the water, for my heart was overwhelmed with gratitude.  How amazingly tender and good is our God that He would use the exact child I am having such guilt over, to immediately discredit the lies of the enemy and then show me what really is important??!!
It's not whether I spent 5 days or 6 weeks planning or the amount of money I spend on invitations or party favors or decorations.  It's about celebrating the day that God destined, before time began, to bring her into this world.  It's about honoring her and enjoying and eating all of her favorite things.  It's about inviting her best friend to share and enjoy in the memories made. 

Oh LORD, thank you for coming for me at the most vulnerable times and for loving me through the insecurities and momentary laspes of judgment!  Forgive me for not bringing EVERY thought captive to you Jesus!

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death." 

Romans 8:1-2

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;

I (Jesus) have come that they (us) may have life, and have it to the full." 

John 10:10

"He was...not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him.

When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." 

John 8:44

Just because I thought this was cute, I'm throwing this in...
O.K., this has nothing to do with perspective...well, actually it kind of does.  It all about Ruth's perspective.  It is cold here today (shocking, I know!).  I think it's in the low to mid 50's and it might not even hit 60.  And this is coming off 98 and 96 degree days!  It blew in last night - no rain, just a cold front with wind.  Well poor little Ruthie has NEVER been in weather this cold.  But daddy put in a new slide yesterday and she was bound and determined to go play on it.  So I bundled her up in the warmest clothes we own - a sweatsuit from Gymboree and tennis shoes. :)  She lasted 10 minutes and came in begging for an umbrella.  An umbrella???  "Yes, Mummy!  I need an umbrella to not be cold."  When I was done laughing, I explained that umbrella's are for sun and rain but not cold.  She is still convinced otherwise though and as I type this, she is trotting outside with a Hello Kitty umbrella, bound and determined to stay warm under it.  HA! :)